Table of contents:
- How to Identify Toxic People
- How to get away from toxic people? 6 tips
- How to stay away from toxic people at work
- What to do when you are in a toxic relationship
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The term toxic people is used very frequently today. But it would be more convenient to talk about behaviors that do not produce well-being in many of the people who are close. You may experience some kind of difficulty in relationships that arise in the field of friendship, in the family or in the professional context. To deepen on this topic, you can read the book Toxic People by Bernardo Stamateas. Difficulties can occur in all types of interpersonal relationships, however, what characterizes this type of bond is the negative balance made by those who experience unpleasant emotions when interacting with another person or when they recall certain situations. How to get away from toxic people? In Psychology-Online we give you the keys.
You may also be interested in: How to heal a toxic relationship? Index- How to Identify Toxic People
- How to get away from toxic people? 6 tips
- How to stay away from toxic people at work
- What to do when you are in a toxic relationship
How to Identify Toxic People
How can you identify toxic people? Next, we show you 5 keys:
- There are people who are medicinal for your state of mind because you feel good when you are in their company. You experience the opposite sensation when you are close to someone with whom the relationship does not flow or progress positively, no matter how much you do on your part. If complexity and difficulty are the essence of that bond, surely you are dealing with a toxic person.
- Little capacity for self-criticism. You notice that this person has a tendency to hold external circumstances or others responsible for issues that should be held individually responsible, another of the characteristics of toxic people.
- The recurring speech of the complaint. In fact, you consider this to be one of the defining characteristics of their behavior. Something common in toxic people.
- You feel bad. Reflecting on how you feel when you are close to that person takes up part of your time, especially if it is someone close to you with whom you coincide frequently. You may have discussed the matter with someone you trust. And this feeling intensifies after a recent encounter.
- You condition your behavior and your response when you are with that toxic person in order to avoid certain situations that you think may displease your interlocutor.
These are some of the characteristics that you can observe in a person with toxic behaviors.
How to get away from toxic people? 6 tips
It may happen that if you find yourself in this situation you have made the decision to distance yourself from that person. But how to get away from toxic people? Here are 6 tips:
- Reduce contact gradually: the change in the bond may not depend on cutting the bond completely but on reducing the frequency of plans and conversations with that person. That is, reduce the time you share on a face-to-face level. Reduce contact to the essential: it can happen that every day you meet that person in the office. In that case, focus your attention on dealing mainly with those issues that are part of teamwork.
- Group plans. If you have other friends in common with that person, you can also organize meetings in the company of others instead of focusing on a plan for two.
- Interior distance. Sometimes the main change comes from the learner's own inner freedom that he cannot be responsible for the happiness of others or for the change in the other. But you can change the way you position yourself in this situation.
- Make a final decision. If you feel that distance is the best thing for you and for that person since this relationship does not bring you growth, you can take the step of stopping feeding this story. Before that time comes, you can also consider having a conversation. Although it may be hard for you to believe, you may not be aware of how it makes you feel. Through your words you can show him this information.
- Take care of yourself. For example, set limits by being consistent with what you want, not only in your words, but also in your actions. This consistency conveys a clearer message to the other.
- Contextualize the situation. Far from taking this situation to a personal level, try to put it in perspective. That person lives with their own difficulties. Understanding can shed light on personal relationships. Practice this understanding but also trust your judgment not to justify certain behaviors.
How to stay away from toxic people at work
Many people wonder how to deal with toxic people at work. Work is one of those places where, as much as you want to avoid contact with someone with whom you don't have a good relationship, you can't do it completely because the context forces you to do so. But just because you can't completely distance yourself doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. How you live this situation influences your perspective. Here are some tips on how to stay away from toxic people at work:
- Focus your attention on other matters. This type of relationship can make those who suffer from a bond of these characteristics focus their energy on thinking mainly about this topic. However, your professional routine is made up of many other aspects. Projects, other labor ties, future expectations, training, daily goals, etc. To get away from toxic people at work, increase the minutes you spend getting excited about other aspects of your work life and reduce the time you spend thinking about this story by choice.
- Don't reinforce toxic behaviors. There are behaviors for which that person needs the collaboration of another. For example, negative criticism and complaint grow from the interaction of two people who give each other feedback in this position. But do not get into the dynamic of giving advice because it is very likely that he will not receive it as constructive suggestions.
- You can also propose ideas through the company's suggestion box on possible initiatives to improve the work environment in the organization. For example, a systemic coaching experience, since those changes that occur within a group seen as a system affect the whole team. Through systemic coaching you can become aware that you can adopt a different position in the situation.
- Listen to the message of your emotions, do not suppress them. What you feel also offers you a message that can help you make decisions.
- Talk to other people you trust. People who are strangers to this workspace and with whom you can comment in a privacy sphere this period that you are going through. Although every situation is different, it is likely that some of your trusted contacts can expand your vision with their own story.
- Spend more time away from the office doing activities that make you happy. To get away from toxic people at work, it helps to do activities and share moments with people outside of work. This motivation can become an incentive that helps you reduce the stress derived from this situation.
- Look for alternatives. When looking at this situation, try not to interpret it as immovable. Visualize different possibilities that can occur in your professional life. For example, a change of position in the company or the search for another job. Expand these ideas with other possibilities. I would like to recommend you to read an interesting book: " How to make good things happen to you ", a title by Marián Rojas.
- Beware of expectations. When dating a toxic coworker, don't expect honest praise or recognition even if you've achieved significant success (it may, but don't take it for granted). Sometimes it's your own expectations around how you think that person should have responded in a given situation that disappoints you. But when you do this interpretation, you are thinking about how you would like that person to be and not how they really are.
What to do when you are in a toxic relationship
This term is used so much that everyday language also shows the risk that exists in this association of concepts. For example, this statement makes an absolute assessment of the other. Each person has their own difficulties, their history and their life process. This term shows a way to negatively label someone. The excessive use of this term in everyday language can also make us look for the error in the other instead of reflecting on our own aspects in the context of a personal relationship. When the expression "toxic person" is used, it is always the other to whom it is pointed.
However, by observing the comprehensive scenario of the situation, you can change your perspective to reflect, also, on how you are reinforcing this bond if you have the feeling of staying in the same point with that person. It is in this present, when you observe a story that takes up more space in your life than you would like, where you can reflect on possible responses to generate a change in how you position yourself in the face of what is happening in this relationship. For example, you can define new limits. By answering this test you can know if you are in a toxic relationship.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to get away from toxic people, we recommend that you enter our category of Personal growth and self-help.
Bibliography- Stamateas, B. (2014). More toxic people . B OF BOOKS.
- Rojas, M. (2018). How to make good things happen to you . SLU ESPASA BOOKS